We all want great sex, but before you can achieve great sex with a partner, you have to achieve it with yourself. Sexual self-awareness helps you understand who you are as a sexual person while removing some of the stigma or shame you can experience while discussing your desires or problems with a partner. Re-engaging with yourself can help you to see sex as a pleasurable experience that promotes intimacy.

If you want to reconnect with yourself in the bedroom but don’t know where to start, then read on for tips that will help you have better sex with yourself.


Be Transparent With Yourself

Sex can seem like a complex experience; however, we are all entitled to great sex. The first steps to reconnecting with yourself sexually is to be transparent with yourself. Focusing on your sexual energy requires you to free your mind of the self-judgement that is standing in between you and great sex. Focusing on healing your sexual energy can also help overcome any body tension or feelings of distress caused by sexual repression. Handle your sex-related issues by asking yourself some uncomfortable questions:


Do you feel comfortable with your own body?

Do you feel connected and present when having sex?

Are you enjoying yourself?


The whole process might seem silly; however, it can give you a better insight into your general relationship with sex, all while creating a safe space with yourself. More often than not, we jump into the sheets with unsolved baggage that we are too anxious to address. However, addressing your anxieties and being open with yourself can help you move forward. Once you are open and honest about the challenges or insecurities you face, then you can move on to finding solutions to your problems.


Have A Solo Date

Now that you have connected with yourself verbally, it’s time to connect with yourself physically. If your goal is to have better sex with yourself, then you have to take the time to get to know yourself physically. Spending time touching yourself or using crystal sex toys to help build your sexual energy through self-love will awaken a higher level of pleasure.


Sex, whether with a partner or by self, should never feel rushed. If you enjoy foreplay, then experiment with solo foreplay by watching porn or using your imagination to help. Focus on your breath work or your movement. Treat yourself the way you want to be treated, and take advantage of this time. Having alone time with yourself will remove some of the pressure or nerves that come with experimenting with your partner.


Don’t Let Insecurities Overcome You

Insecurities are a natural part of life, but should not be present in the bedroom. Knowing your body should also involve understanding your body. If you have struggled to connect with yourself because of sexual dysfunctions like vaginal dryness or erectile dysfunction, then you are not alone. Sexual dysfunction can be caused by a multitude of reasons such as health issues or anxiety.


Non-medical treatments like changes to your unhealthy lifestyle habits, or seeking counseling, can be a positive first step in treating sexual dysfunction. Exercising your pelvic floor with a yoni egg can have positive benefits on your sexual health as a weak pelvic floor can lead to painful sex, vaginal dryness, or more frequent urinary tract infections. Think Kegel exercises are just for women? Think again. Men who have trouble with an overactive bladder and erectile dysfunction, or premature ejaculation can also greatly benefit from exercising their pelvic floor muscles!


However, it’s crucial you seek professional help if your sexual dysfunctions worsen or remain the same. There are a slew of treatment options available, from estrogen therapy to ED meds online that can help. Talking to your primary care doctor can help you understand what treatment option works best for you. Don't shy away from taking charge of your sexual dysfunction because everyone deserves better sex.


Like most things in life, sex is a journey, and although it’s natural to fixate on the destination, it’s vital to enjoy yourself while on the journey to sexual self-love.

Photo Credit: @sijia.janina 

December 16, 2021 — A J