When was the last time you took a pause?

You know a temporary stop where you consciously took a moment to stop what you were engaged in to let space exist?

A pause can be a powerful self-care and self-love tool to use anytime.  A pause brings connection, it gets you into your body, connects you to your intuition, and empowers you to find your truth as you quiet down to listen.

A pause is a powerful love tool you can use in the bedroom whether you are solo or with your partner. It can change the entire experience of your erotic connection and it literally only takes a moment.

A pause creates clarity.

When your attention is in your body, you can get clear on what you are truly wanting.  You get clear on the sensations you are feeling. You get clear on the emotions you are experiencing, which strengthens your emotional body.  You can also get clear on what you are really desiring in the moment. 

You can pause to connect to yourself. When you do that ultimate pleasure is possible because you are getting clear on what you truly want.

A pause moves your attention into your body. 

Sometimes you can have sex and completely be disassociating from the body.  You can be in the act, yet your mind is somewhere else completely. When your attention is moving away from the actual act that your body is engaged in, it dampens the pleasure opportunities.  It also creates a distance between you and your sexual energy.  When there is distance, you are not able to use the energy in a way that can be powerful. You are wasting opportunities of pleasure.

You are a being who deserves to be in pleasure.  You are here to experience the full range of pleasure the body has to offer. Your body is a sentient tool for you spirit to explore in.  Use your body to create ultimate pleasure by tapping into what it really desires. This can be softer or harder touch, more or less pressure, shifting the pace, needing eye contact, or talking erotically to one another.

Use the pause to connect to your body so you can feel what your body desires and what your body is open to. Remember, you have all five senses to play in: sight, smell, sound, touch, and taste.

A pause can take us from semi pleasure to ultimate orgasm. 

Allowing yourself to take a pause at the edge of an orgasm, then continuing the pleasure, then pausing again then continuing the pleasurable activities keeps you on an edge of orgasm which heightens the orgasmic release. This is called edging. It’s a technique that brings your awareness into your body during sex which creates more mindfulness in turn creating more pleasure.

Explore what comes up for you in the pause.

In the pause, it’s important to be open and nonjudgmental to what you are experiencing or what is coming up for you.  It is scary sometimes to slow down to really feel what we are experiencing rather than just pushing through to get things done. Unfortunately, that also applies to sex. Have you had times you had sex just because it was something you should be doing with your partner?  You felt bad or obligated to do it but there wasn’t enjoyment in it for you?  You were just getting through it so you can move onto the next? A pause slows you down so you can be honest with yourself on what you want and then honor it.

A pause gives you space to find your true desires. 

Whatever they may be. There is not a bad or wrong in any of these desires.  You are a multidimensional being with so many aspects to your erotic self. A pause gives you space to explore in these erotic aspects of yourself.

Taking a pause allows space for you to connect to what you are really doing. If that means the pause gives you a moment to realize you don’t want to be engaging sexually right now, but rather need to be held, or if you are needing more engagement from your partner in a certain way, or you want to be tied up and play, then you can speak your truth, which is a power tool.

A pause creates depth of experience.

Taking a moment during sex connects you deeper to yourself which in turn connects you deeper to your partner.  There is much to explore in the space of a pause. You don’t need to do anything other than to slow down and be.  It is brave to give yourself the moments you need during sex. Taking a conscious pause gives you those moments.

Have fun exploring!




Intimacy & Embodiment Coach/Educator

Coach and educator of sexuality, spirituality, and self-love, Monique is passionate about helping people connect to their true voice to live an exceptionally satisfying life. Monique believes in the power of intuition and intimate connection with self and body in order to have deeply pleasurable relationships with others.  Find Monique’s TEDx Talk, “POWER OF THE PAUSE”, at moniquegomez.com.

December 16, 2019 — A J