Recently I was in a session with a client guiding her through a practice called Full-Body Pleasure Mapping, an erotic empowerment tool where you explore your body’s unique pathways to arousal. When she got to her feet she had a moment with them. They were dry, “in need of a pedicure”. As she touched them, she noticed resistance sprinkled with a little disgust. She felt the impulse to move on to a more likable body part, but instead stayed.  

We talked about what it would take to shed, just for a moment, the preconception of what her feet should look and feel like, and to instead be with them as they were: “ugy”, dry, peeling. At first, they didn’t feel great to touch, but when she stayed and explored, receiving the sensation and pleasure, she realized how much her feet loved being touched.

Whether it’s learning to love our body or building a new healthy habit, it’s how we show up in moments of resistance that ultimately determines the course of our life.  

I’ve been experiencing resistance to showing up for my yoni egg practice, so last month, I decided to take my yoni back to the gym for 30 consecutive days. My intentions were to awaken more sensation, move sexual energy, and stay connected to my yoni, her pleasure potential and powers, more often throughout the day.

On day 2 of my morning practice, my yoni already felt more alive, talking to me in her language of warm, pleasurable tingles as I was working, talking, cooking, eating. One-week in, the benefits persisted, and so did my resistance. My intentions were being realized: increased sensation during sex, more connection to my energy and sexuality. How could a practice that brings such potent, pleasurable benefits come with this much struggle? I was able to muscle through for 2-weeks, which felt good and really hard. I knew I had to find another way. 

Embedded in my resistance was the lesson I needed: I realized that the reason so many new habits don’t stick is that we’re often leaning solely on masculine energy (structure and rules) without enlisting the feminine’s support. 

In order for this ritual to become habitual, and more importantly to support the self-loving, erotically connected identity I wanted to embody, I needed to lean into the opposite of resistance: receptivity.

When I let go and allowed myself to be receptive within the context of yoni-exploration, I found myself showing up more eagerly, welcoming what I found I needed, reaching for my egg, wand, or just exploring myself.

Just last night I spent an hour touching and snuggling with myself. I lit some candles and listened to music as I played with different kinds of touch from feather light to grabbing and holding, loving my hands, my thighs, my feet, my toes, my breasts, my face, my lips, my neck. I slipped my egg inside and explored my yoni with less force and more curiosity. I let my mind and heart wander to wherever they needed to go and loved every second of it.

When we are met with resistance, whether it’s around loving a body part or creating a new ritual, we have a few options: We can let the resistance win and give up, we can muscle through it in pure masculine energy fashion (which never lasts long), or we can explore ways to soften in the face of it. 

We can dance instead of run, or run if that’s what we feel we need.

By Allie Andrews, Somatica® trained Sex & Relationship Coach, Certified Holistic Health Coach, Meditation & Breathwork Teacher

Instagram: @iamallieandrews

April 04, 2022 — A J