Sometimes it can be hard to get into that magical flow state during sex. Whether you’re thinking about your next meeting, feeling self-conscious about your body, or enduring something that doesn't feel good, overthinking or the wrong kind of stimulation can detract from the amount of pleasure we experience.

Whereas men’s arousal is more spontaneous and destination-focused, women’s is more “right place, right time” and journey-focused (a phenomenon that is linked to hormonal differences, largely estrogen and testosterone). 

For women, it helps to be in our receptive, feminine energy – surrendered and relaxed, without an outcome in mind – to maximize the pleasure we can receive from touch and stimulation. It also helps to know just what kind of foreplay, feelings and stimulation makes us feel most aroused.

Here 7 top tips for enhancing sexual pleasure so that you can have more of it in your life!

  1. Keep your pilot light on throughout the day

Run your sexual energy through your body all day long. Inhale and squeeze your yoni, feeling the sensation that arises in your pelvic floor. Pump this sensation up with your breath and swirl throughout your body. Try to keep this connection to your yoni throughout the day, this way it won’t be so hard to “get in the mood” when the opportunity strikes. 

  1. Connect to your breath and sensuality

Pleasure happens in the mind. If the mind is distracted by something unsexy (to you), sensations that have the potential to be arousing and organismic will not be received. Use your breath to bring yourself back into your body. If you need to, find your partners eyes or ask them to grab your ass or waste to help ground you back into your body and senses.

  1. Run a fantasy through your mind

This may sound contradictory to #2, which is all about embodiment, but if you’re someone who loves mental stimulation, this one's for you. Think of the hottest sexual experience you’ve ever had, watched or dreamt up. Running this fantasy through your mind during sex is not wrong if it makes it more enjoyable for you. Plus, many fantasies are arousing because they live in our head, such that we would never actually want to experience them (as is the case for rape fantasies). You can also try talking out your fantasy with your partner before sex.

  1. Know your preferences

This one builds on #3. When you think about your hottest sexual experiences and fantasies, there are details in there that are unique to you. These small details are gold when it comes to having the best sexual experiences of your life. They inform how you like to be touched, and how you want to feel during sex. For example, do you want to feel beautiful or degraded, spiritual or naughty, powerful or submissive? Do you like to be spanked or not? Do you like more passionate – grabbing, scratching, pulling, biting – or romantic, precious touch?

  1. Listen to erotica or watch porn before or during sex

No shame here! Dipsea and even Spotify are great if you prefer (all are designed for women, by women) audio. Bellesa or Erica Lust films are great if you like the visual aspect of porn. Fun fact: I love listening to erotica on commutes or at the gym, it’s hot knowing that no one knows how turned on I am.

  1. Always have something on your clit

We see it all the time in the movies, women orgasming from penetration alone, which can make us feel like there’s something wrong with us if we don’t come like this too. But remember, movies (porn too) are for entertainment, they are not real life. In real life, most women (me included) need something on their clit to orgasm. Having something on your clit during sex, fingering, or using your crystal wand, whether it's a vibrator or your fingers, is the best way to enhance pleasure and get to orgasm. When your clitoris is aroused, it swells, which is what sensitizes the G-spot (or rather zone), and why you might enjoy penetration and clitoral stimulation at the same time. 

  1. Sensitize with your yoni egg

This is the holy grail of increasing sensation and pleasure from penetration. Doing your yoni egg exercises 3 to 4 times per week for 10-15 minutes will tone the vagina, increasing blood flow and re-sensitizing her throughout, so that you can feel more.

It’s time that we stop approaching pleasure as something to be earned or reserved for vacations and weekends. Pleasure is our birthright. Every. Single. Day. Now, go get more of it!


Awaken Your Sexual Energy and Keep It Flowing All Day Long

In this fast-paced, achievement-centric culture, many of us could use a bit more pleasure in our day. In fact, studies show arousal curbs anxiety – but I guess we don’t need a scientist to tell us that! In this live, experiential workshop we’ll explore practices to reconnect you to your sensuality, get to know your pleasure centers, and keep your sexual energy flowing so that you can experience more arousal and better sex. Because the more you prioritize your pleasure, the more magnetic you become!


May 12, 2022 — A J