I think we all picked up some new hobbies during lockdown…

My partner Ryan and I decided to join Killing Kittens https://www.killingkittens.com/ -- a UK based online community dedicated to eradicating gender rules and sexually empowering single women and couples. I got us a membership for Ryan’s Birthday, plus tickets to two virtual events: a tantric massage workshop and a sex party. 

When we logged on for the tantra workshop (a “gift” for him, but more for me) we were welcomed into a sea of half dressed bodies of all shapes, colors and sizes (3 Zoom screens full!). The workshop commenced with some teachings on tantra and tantric (sensual) touch.

As a self-proclaimed hedonist, I was relieved to discover that tantra challenges much of our conditioning around pleasure. 

We live in a world that shames us for wanting to feel good. It seems that feeling good needs some other agenda, but not with tantra, it’s all about pleasure and feeling what’s there -- and contrary to popular belief it’s not all sexual.

So often we jump to sex (I know I do!). Sure, there’s a time and place for hot, kinky, slutty sex (if that’s your thing), but sometimes what we need is some tender, love-infused touch without any outcome in mind. 

Tantric touch is not about relieving sore muscles, detoxifying the body, or even getting off, it’s just about connecting and feeling. 


Four months later as I sought inspiration for this article, I was reading the dictionary definitions of touch -- not gonna lie, I got a little turned on. All definitions had one thing in common: To touch means to feel. 

Which led me to reflect on how often I touch without actually feeling...

The less I practice touching and feeling with awareness and intention -- whether it be myself, my cat, my partner, or witnessing the subtle sensation on my skin in meditation -- the more numb I become to life, not just physically, but emotionally and energetically too.

Life is constantly touching us. As I learned in Vipassana training, every emotion and thought starts as sensation.

Feeling this sensation is as much a part of us as thinking, but somewhere along the way we learned that feeling is less important. 

In this way, sensual touch is a practice in remembering the wholeness of our humanity. 

In a world where hedonism is defined as “self-indulgent” and busyness is a badge of honor, it can be hard to make time to cultivate our sentience. To spend an hour massaging and re-sensitizing our breasts or massaging our lover(s) without the intention or pressure to orgasm.

It’s so needed though...

And because I know you’re wondering: The sex party https://www.killingkittens.com/parties/ was....interesting. It’s essentially amatuer porn and you get to choose to watch or be a cast member. We’ll definitely attend another one.

By Allie Andrews, Self-Care Coach & Founder OmBody Health 
Instagram @iamallieandrews

Photo Credit: via instagram @tanya.tantra.touch

June 17, 2021 — A J