Why expose myself to take the first step? Why talk to them if they don't show interest? Why open my heart if they don't do the same? What if they says no? What if I don't do it and we never talk again? Or if I say everything I feel and overwhelm them?

Mental tangle when feeling disconnected from a person I love very much.
My challenge? Transforming vulnerability into empowerment.

This is only possible when one feels safe. If that doesn't happen, vulnerability makes you feel weak, that you are failing in being strong.

When we don’t have that security, we need to learn how to create it, and only self-knowledge will bring us the necessary wisdom to know what we need, how to find it, and thus create a safe space to grow through those moments of vulnerability.

When you are in front of a person who listens, who is not afraid of your emotions, you feel safe to show your most sensitive side. And that's when we give up and let ourselves be held. It becomes a time of growth and expansion.

Otherwise, if the other person feels overwhelmed with our sharing, thinks that we are exaggerating, or does not validate what we are feeling, we feel weak and we can doubt our emotions. Is what I am feeling okay?

But we cannot force another person to respond as we want.
Sometimes we are not ready to listen and support another in their process. Sometimes we are not in a good moment. Or sometimes we just don't want to.

So how do we create a safe space to share something vulnerable?

Vulnerability is the strange and paradoxical practice of keeping your heart open even in the most challenging moments.

Vulnerability is a choice. It starts within ourselves.

It is to overlook the fear of being rejected, which is why it scares us so much. As human beings, we always instinctively seek safety, and opening our hearts is like exposing our necks to a lion. It makes no sense in our primitive minds.

It is the biggest evolutionary step for the world. In moments when naturally our instinct close up and hide our fragility, try to move the focus towards empathy, being radically honest with ourselves first, and then with others, without denying what is alive in our internal world.

So for me, it is a gift. "My life is so nourished by being connected with you, that even though it may be uncomfortable at times, I will use every opportunity I can to create a deeper connection"

Vulnerability is not talking and giving more weight to all the stories and interpretations of the mind. It is observing it and going over it, getting to the root of what is happening at that moment.

Owning our assumptions is also vulnerable.

It means owning our experience without judgment or projection towards others.

"I have so much clarity and connection with myself right now, that I can communicate from a place of strength and understanding because it feels genuine". And the most empowering feeling is feeling authentic.

When we experience another being vulnerable, we perceive the strength of that person for having shared something so honest and raw. We connect to his human side. When we see that, we indirectly feel permission to do the same, and vice versa.

Going back to my initial story of disconnection, really all I was trying was multiple indirect strategies, different ways of asking for affection.

I sat down with a pencil and notebook and wrote down everything I felt and what I needed from me or them. All that which clouded my mind for days was reduced to 5 lines.
The only thing I needed was connection, affection, and recognition of my emotions.

Then it became so light and simple in my heart. All my stories had 95% less strength.

Now I feel safe to communicate from the empathy within me and with them, not worrying about the assumptions of others; What will they think?  How will they look at me?  Will they think different of me?  and so on...

By creating such a safe space to open my heart, whatever the answer is, at that moment a detachment occurs, because we already received the gift of having courage to embrace our own human vulnerability.

Vulnerability is simply remembering. Remembering a time of innocence and liberated sharing in which stories or strategies were not necessary. Bringing the focus back to the now and putting all social scripts aside.

Stop “trying” to connect to people. Take back the power of your vulnerability, own it, and I promise you will never need to "try" again.

Feña Pinochet Reymond

May 13, 2021 — A J